Category: Blog

We live in a world of instantaneous communication.
This has an upside: As a global population we are informed of breaking news and important, need-to-know information at rapid speed.
This, of course, also has a downside: We (and media entities) can broadcast our thoughts, feelings and fears lickety-split to hundreds, thousands and even millions of people… with no filter or forethought.
That\’s a heck of a lot of responsibility.
And can cause a heck of a lot of damage.
Case in point, I was triggered this week about certain happenings in the news and felt moved to share my thoughts on social media. It didn\’t take but a few seconds after I posted to realize my post was a reaction not a response. I was operating from my reactive brain (my amygdala) vs. my responsive brain (emotional intelligent brain, or pre-frontal cortex.)
I even used the word triggered in my post… a red flag, indeed. From my book, I Get To: How Using the Right Words Can Radically Transform Your Life, Relationships & Business, I share the following concept, which I term The Ripple Effect:
____________ (adjective) people ____________ (verb) people.
So suffice to say, triggered people trigger people.
And I did just that…
One women said she was offended by my post.
Her comment caused me to pause, re-evaluate, and I decided to delete the post because it wasn\’t positively contributing to the ripple effect of my Facebook page or the world.
That\’s one example of how you can offend someone: sharing opinions, thoughts or feelings on sensitive or controversial topics such as politics, religion, etc.
On the other hand, you can offend people inadvertently, without even knowing it. Maybe you are living what Oprah calls \”Your best life\” and someone is offended by your choices, lifestyle or how you show up. Maybe that person trolls your social media, or feels the need to share why you offended them. The old adage goes:
“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
IMPORTANT NOTE: I strongly believe that if you are someone who is easily offended, it\’s important to dig deep and see why . Self-awareness is important and mindfulness techniques, like meditation and reframing, can be important tools for \”managing life.\” Since people will continue being people, my invitation is instead of wanting to change others, it\’s easier to change yourself. (That\’s why the skill of reframing is so important.)
Here is my short list on how NOT to offend others.
1. Avoid controversial triggers or topics.
2. Avoid the word \”BUT.\” Here\’s a video that shares what the word BUT does.
3. Use \”Let\’s shift the conversation.\” It\’s a polite way to redirect the conversation to something more positive or uplifting.

4. Use \”Cancel/Cancel\” or \”Delete/Delete.\” If you say something you wish you didn\’t, request a rewind, cancellation, or deletion. \”Can I have a rewind? I\’d love to start over.\” or \”I\’d love to delete what I just said and start over.\”
Do you have any tips for not offending others or rectifying it if you did?
As always, dedicated to your success,
Alicia Dunams

We live in a world of instantaneous communication.
This has an upside: As a global population we are informed of breaking news and important, need-to-know information at rapid speed.
This, of course, also has a downside: We (and media entities) can broadcast our thoughts, feelings and fears lickety-split to hundreds, thousands and even millions of people… with no filter or forethought.
That\’s a heck of a lot of responsibility.
And can cause a heck of a lot of damage.
Case in point, I was triggered this week about certain happenings in the news and felt moved to share my thoughts on social media. It didn\’t take but a few seconds after I posted to realize my post was a reaction not a response. I was operating from my reactive brain (my amygdala) vs. my responsive brain (emotional intelligent brain, or pre-frontal cortex.)
I even used the word triggered in my post… a red flag, indeed. From my book, I Get To: How Using the Right Words Can Radically Transform Your Life, Relationships & Business, I share the following concept, which I term The Ripple Effect:
____________ (adjective) people ____________ (verb) people.
So suffice to say, triggered people trigger people.
And I did just that…
One women said she was offended by my post.
Her comment caused me to pause, re-evaluate, and I decided to delete the post because it wasn\’t positively contributing to the ripple effect of my Facebook page or the world.
That\’s one example of how you can offend someone: sharing opinions, thoughts or feelings on sensitive or controversial topics such as politics, religion, etc.
On the other hand, you can offend people inadvertently, without even knowing it. Maybe you are living what Oprah calls \”Your best life\” and someone is offended by your choices, lifestyle or how you show up. Maybe that person trolls your social media, or feels the need to share why you offended them. The old adage goes:
“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”
IMPORTANT NOTE: I strongly believe that if you are someone who is easily offended, it\’s important to dig deep and see why . Self-awareness is important and mindfulness techniques, like meditation and reframing, can be important tools for \”managing life.\” Since people will continue being people, my invitation is instead of wanting to change others, it\’s easier to change yourself. (That\’s why the skill of reframing is so important.)
Here is my short list on how NOT to offend others.
1. Avoid controversial triggers or topics.
2. Avoid the word \”BUT.\” Here\’s a video that shares what the word BUT does.
3. Use \”Let\’s shift the conversation.\” It\’s a polite way to redirect the conversation to something more positive or uplifting.

4. Use \”Cancel/Cancel\” or \”Delete/Delete.\” If you say something you wish you didn\’t, request a rewind, cancellation, or deletion. \”Can I have a rewind? I\’d love to start over.\” or \”I\’d love to delete what I just said and start over.\”
Do you have any tips for not offending others or rectifying it if you did?
As always, dedicated to your success,
Alicia Dunams

In the last few weeks I have been featured on the following blogs for my new book I Get To: How Using The Right Words Can Radically Transform Your Life, Relationships & Business. 

Episode: https://AreYouBeingReal.com/170

On this episode, we get real about:

• The value in sweaty-palm conversations.
• The difference between calling someone out and calling someone forth.
• Why pause.
• The power of tone.
• Get to vs. Have to.
• Scripts for relationships and the workplace.
• How to shift the direction of a conversation.
• How to harness the power of self-talk.
• How to write a bestseller in a weekend.
• Getting over resistance and creative blocks.
• How to be inspired by the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

——–

“F! Normal: The Bold Life Giladcast” is hosted by my old friend, Adam Gilad, and as you will see in our rollicking conversation, that the focus of this podcast is to liberate anything perceived as “normal” that constricts joy, wealth creation, self-expression and love.

In our conversation we dove into how language and reframes can utterly open up your world to entirely new possibilities!

Here’s a link!

 itunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/f-normal/id1388058897

In the last few weeks I have been featured on the following blogs for my new book I Get To: How Using The Right Words Can Radically Transform Your Life, Relationships & Business. 

Episode: https://AreYouBeingReal.com/170

On this episode, we get real about:

• The value in sweaty-palm conversations.
• The difference between calling someone out and calling someone forth.
• Why pause.
• The power of tone.
• Get to vs. Have to.
• Scripts for relationships and the workplace.
• How to shift the direction of a conversation.
• How to harness the power of self-talk.
• How to write a bestseller in a weekend.
• Getting over resistance and creative blocks.
• How to be inspired by the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

——–

“F! Normal: The Bold Life Giladcast” is hosted by my old friend, Adam Gilad, and as you will see in our rollicking conversation, that the focus of this podcast is to liberate anything perceived as “normal” that constricts joy, wealth creation, self-expression and love.

In our conversation we dove into how language and reframes can utterly open up your world to entirely new possibilities!

Here’s a link!

 itunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/f-normal/id1388058897

As you probably know, people behaving \”badly\” have made the news headlines this week.
These people include:

• World leaders
• Groups of armed protestors
• Terrorists

When people behave \”badly\” they can hurt people.
I\’m hurt.
Maybe you\’re hurt
The world is hurting.
We must understand that when people behave \”badly\” it\’s a much, much deeper issue.
Hurt people hurt people.
But, as leaders, we get to stand 100% responsible. Perhaps not for the circumstances, per se, but for how we respond to these circumstances.
Difficult conversations get to be had
There are valuable lessons to be learned.
Case in point, this week I spoke on the subject of how to deal with difficult people at a very prestigious California university.
As I read the book Behave: The Biology of Humans at our Best and Worst, the author discusses that fear, anxiety, and aggression steam from the amygdala, the \”critter brain.\” When someone is operating from this state, it\’s a \”me against the world\” mentality.
So I ask this question…
How, as leaders, can we support others who are difficult/upset before the situation escalates? (Because, according to Behave, there is a \’snap\’ that happens in the brain seconds before violent or aggressive behavior.)
Here\’s 3 ways to support difficult people, which I shared at my leadership training this week, and I wanted to share with you as well.

1. Empathy. Work to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within the other person\’s frame of reference. Otherwise, put yourself in \’their shoes.\’
2. Partner from the start. Conversations are a way to support people who are stressed, fearful, anxious, or angry. Showing someone that you are on their side, their partner, if you will, is a way to support them in regaining calmness. Starting off acknowledging where they are, such as \”I\’m so sorry you are experiencing this. Let\’s see how we can work together.\” Having intimate conversations with individuals, sharing stories, building relationship, builds connection and trust. Support them in reframing \’me/us against you/them/the world\’ to \’we are in this together.\’
3. Listening and restating what you heard. I can confidently say that 100% of conflicts that happen socio-politically, and even in our own home, happen because one or more parties doesn\’t feel \’seen or heard.\’ Listening and sharing what you heard is the biggest gift we can give another human.

Obviously there are no easy answers, and leading your team, your family, and your community can be a delicate dance.
What I do know to be true: personal and cultural transformation is on the other side of difficult conversations.
With that, what\’s one conversation you get to have today?

As you probably know, people behaving \”badly\” have made the news headlines this week.
These people include:

• World leaders
• Groups of armed protestors
• Terrorists

When people behave \”badly\” they can hurt people.
I\’m hurt.
Maybe you\’re hurt
The world is hurting.
We must understand that when people behave \”badly\” it\’s a much, much deeper issue.
Hurt people hurt people.
But, as leaders, we get to stand 100% responsible. Perhaps not for the circumstances, per se, but for how we respond to these circumstances.
Difficult conversations get to be had
There are valuable lessons to be learned.
Case in point, this week I spoke on the subject of how to deal with difficult people at a very prestigious California university.
As I read the book Behave: The Biology of Humans at our Best and Worst, the author discusses that fear, anxiety, and aggression steam from the amygdala, the \”critter brain.\” When someone is operating from this state, it\’s a \”me against the world\” mentality.
So I ask this question…
How, as leaders, can we support others who are difficult/upset before the situation escalates? (Because, according to Behave, there is a \’snap\’ that happens in the brain seconds before violent or aggressive behavior.)
Here\’s 3 ways to support difficult people, which I shared at my leadership training this week, and I wanted to share with you as well.

1. Empathy. Work to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within the other person\’s frame of reference. Otherwise, put yourself in \’their shoes.\’
2. Partner from the start. Conversations are a way to support people who are stressed, fearful, anxious, or angry. Showing someone that you are on their side, their partner, if you will, is a way to support them in regaining calmness. Starting off acknowledging where they are, such as \”I\’m so sorry you are experiencing this. Let\’s see how we can work together.\” Having intimate conversations with individuals, sharing stories, building relationship, builds connection and trust. Support them in reframing \’me/us against you/them/the world\’ to \’we are in this together.\’
3. Listening and restating what you heard. I can confidently say that 100% of conflicts that happen socio-politically, and even in our own home, happen because one or more parties doesn\’t feel \’seen or heard.\’ Listening and sharing what you heard is the biggest gift we can give another human.

Obviously there are no easy answers, and leading your team, your family, and your community can be a delicate dance.
What I do know to be true: personal and cultural transformation is on the other side of difficult conversations.
With that, what\’s one conversation you get to have today?